Sunday, May 20, 2012

Back , finally

When I began posting here again recently I really thought it would be with more frequency but,as you can see,that did not happen.Life happened,or should I say my responses to life happened and I just did not feel like posting here.Instead what I felt was overwhelmed with a kind of sorrow.The kind that makes you want to just play solitaire for hours on end instead of unburdening your soul through writing.

And the source of this sorrow?For me, it was the knowledge of friends dealing with cancer.Women I have known for a long time,both who love God with their lives,battling breast cancer.And wondering about the seeming injustice,the unkindness of God to allow this to beat upon their lives.I just did not understand it all and this made me sad for my friends.And I wept when the neighbor told Steve of her 21 year old granddaughter's battle with breast and ovarian cancer.I guess having had uterine cancer myself in 2004 makes me sensitive to this.

And this sorrow of soul was also caused by my having to quit college due to a medical issue that is exacerbated by sitting at my desk for long periods of time.And yet I did that very thing when playing solitude for hours on end.I sat at my desk.For a long time.I should have been elevating my legs instead,so the venous stasis leg wound could heal.Husband seems happy I am not in school and actually said he thought it was a phase that I went through that I am now over.I do not know when I will return to school but it is definitely not a phase.

I was also saddened by our van.And it's many issues.And it's too many trips to the shop in recent days.I know it's old(1994) and I am aware that it is not as serious as the things previously mentioned.But it was just another thing to wear on my soul.When Jesus said that it's the little foxes that spoil the vine,He was not kidding.The vine that is my life was in danger of withering.I was beginning to think ill of Him.But,I am now,by an act of my will,clawing my way back to that place of trust and faith in Him.It's not an easy road to come back from,at least not for me,but I know it's imperative that I do make way back,so I will.