Saturday, May 17, 2008

God Shouts?




CS Lewis said"God whispers to us in our pleasure,speaks to us in our conscience,but shouts to us in our pain;it is His megaphone to a rouse a deaf world."I felt compelled(led,inspired?)to share the following that happened to me around April 30th.Having just celebrated Mother's Day a week ago I thought it was timely,especially for those who did not have "Hallmark Card" Mom's.I was one who did not.I have accepted that fact.I cannot gloss it over,sweeten it up or even pretend it did not happen.I cannot look at it through the pale and pretty lenses of rose colored glasses.That would abort any healing that God may yet want to do.And it would be falsehood.Falsehood would allow the pain to fester and become poison in my soul.It would block the flow of His spirit to mine.So,if your youth was marred by the pain of woefully imperfect and inadequate parenting,whether maternal or even paternal,I hope you find comfort and healing in what is shared.From God's heart to yours~Sharon


God speaks often in our lives and sometimes it seems He fairly shouts.Smile.Yesterday was an emotional day for me and unexpectedly so.My eyes were awash with tears for much of the afternoon.We had run some errands and our last stop before returning home was to drop off a med list for refill.I waited in the van content to read a little while Steve ran the list in.As I sat there my eyes were drawn at one point by 3 women exiting the store.Obviously together I focused on the last one.She had the cart.She walked in a way that suggested a physical challenge.Her cart contained the evidence in the form of a quad cane.One of the women walked a few feet ahead at a good clip.Not intentionally but perhaps by nature she was a fast walker.And as I watched her walking ahead of the other two my heart and mind were arrested by the thought that this was me 20 or more years ago.I was the one walking ahead of my own disabled mother.I felt instant remorse and guilt.And pain for she has been gone many years now.And I was walking ahead at a good clip to avoid her.To avoid association with her in public.To avoid any appearance of a close connection.We did not resemble each other in any way for I took after my dad's Irish roots.This dark haired,darker skinned woman I called mom(or mother when I was angry)was someone I did not want to be near.For she had caused pain.Inflicted pain in the form of a dark,leather belt for what I as a very logical child deemed minor infractions.As these memories washed over me in the van I fought back tears and yet wanted to give full release to that which was just near the surface.As my husband returned I began to share with him my experience.And it was then that the dam within me overflowed it's banks and poured forth from my heart and spilled out of my eyes..I asked the Father to forgive me.I explained to my husband why I thought I was crying.I have never been super emotional so this torrent of tears left him confused and wondering what to do.Smile.Later in the day after my tears had dried I began to journal about this experience and once again the torrent came.This time in an even stronger way than earlier.But as I cried I felt as if I was,by this very act,washing away the pain and all the negative impact this had on me.I had not even known this was dwelling within me.But God knew it was there.Lurking in a dark,hidden place of my heart that had been locked down for many years.Waiting for full release from it's prison.And I,the prison guard,had to acquiesce,to the authority of the One who is greater than I.To the One who created this heart of mine and knew that such a thing could no longer dwell there without damaging me.And I am so very glad I did.

10 comments:

Adrienne said...

Sharon -
A dear friend of mine once said that, as a plant is pruned and cut to make it more beautiful, so God prunes and cuts us to make us beautiful. In His image. She reminded us that the pruning shears are sharp and hurt but it feels good and there is relief when the shaping and pruning are over and the pain subsides. I believe that's what you experienced as you watched the three women walking. He is making you more beautiful - to be like Him.
~Adrienne~

Sharon said...

I would have to concur with you here Adrienne.This was painful but cathartic at the same time.I had not known I was carrying this pain inside me.And I did not know there was any guilty feelings within either about the way I treated my mom when young either.But HE knew.And I was at the right place at the right time to receive emotional healing from His hand!Thank you for stopping by...Sharon

Michelle Gregory said...

I am so grateful that our Good Shepherd wants us to have our whole heart back so we can become more holy and so we can walk with Him in all things. Thank you for sharing.

Michelle

Mimi said...

God speaks to us at the most unusual times and in the most unusual ways...But when we are attuned to God when He is trying to tell us something it will make us just that much stronger in our walk with Him.
You needed to have a good cry and you needed to forgive yourself for the oversight...
Blessings,
Mimi

Sharon said...

You're welcome Michelle!I am grateful to Him for revealing and then healing this area of guilt and oain I had been carrying but was not even aware of on a conscious level.He's simply awesome!~Sharon

Sharon said...

Amen Mimi!Well said.I did indeed need a good cry.:-)Thanks so much for stopping by~Sharon

Kentucky Bound said...

What a wonderful post! One that struck home for me. I'm so grateful the Lord saw fit to allow me to come to grips with all of the hurt from my past and forgive my mother not to many months before she passed away.

Blessings!

Liz

Jo said...

Oh dear friend, what an encouragment this has been for me to read tonight... your words are always so clear and understanding towards whatever is going on inside of me. You have such a "personal" way of writing!

Sharon said...

Dear Liz~
Thank you for your kind words about this post.I really believe God wanted me to write about it so I did.Sometimes you just know when something must be put down on"paper"for others to read.Smile.So glad that you were able to set things right before your own mom passed away.Very freeing,is'nt it?Blessings~Sharon

Sharon said...

Bless your dear heart Jo.I am glad this touched your heart and life Jo.You know,this was a very"personal"thing for me to write and initially I cringed at the thought of putting it out there but God won out as He usually does.Big grin.Have a wonderful day Jo.~Sharon