Thursday, January 28, 2010

Deep Thought

I've been deep in thought for a couple of weeks now.Inside my head a lot.I know part of it is due to my God-given personality.I'm a pondering soul.A deep thinker.Have been since I was a small child growing up in hot Sacramento.I knew it may get"worse"upon entering counseling,which I did a few months back(she's a wonderful Christian who is tremendously helpful).But this is a worsening condition that has been good for me.:)I've dug deep into the darker corners of my mind where I placed all the unpleasantness of a traumatic childhood marred by chaos,abuse and neglect.But leaving it in a seldom visited corner of my mind did not promote healing.Instead it began to fester.It took on a life of it's own.Stray tendrils of negative happenings began to send out shoots much like the ivy that will over run a garden's beauty if neglected and allowed to run amok.And the enemy of my soul rejoiced.He relished with glee all the ways this childhood marred who God made to me to be.He laughed with abandon at the ways it's trauma produced anxiety within me and caused me to fear.To get stressed easily.But all the while God was still watching.From before the beginning of my life God was watching.He knew what would happen to me and chose to allow others in my life to also exercise their free will and choice,a double edged sword granted to us all.And when the time was right and I had reached a crisis point in my life God stepped in and led me to just the right counselor.This was after following Him for 31 years.31 long years of stops and starts.Of trial and error.31 years of blessing and and hardship.And He began to unearth those deeper things I thought I had dealt with.Deep pockets of pain and inferiority still needing a touch from the Master's hand.His words,via the counselor,became like a perfect blending of oil and perfume to heal,soothe and then fragrance my trauma filled soul.Tears flow as deep thoughts and memories are brought to the surface and into the light of my Savior's presence.And with those tears come healing and renewed hope for my future.A renewed sense of purpose brought about by going deep and allowing Him to heal all those places darkened by trauma.For me it has been good to get inside my head.To ponder deep things.Painful things.To think long and deeply about what I have endured.For it has been to me the beginning of healing.And I know that by His grace and in His timing it will be completed.

"...being confident of this,that he who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 1:6~NIV



Bronlynn said...

Sharon, you had left a message on my blog, which was quite encouraging. I thought I'd check yours out as well and really enjoyed it. You do have a great gift with words. It is so comforting to know there are other believers out there "in cyberspace" who are sharing. I pray God's continued blessings in your life.


Sharon said...

Hello Bronlynn:
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words here.:)I am glad you enjoyed my blog.I enjoy writing at it and encouraging others as I write.Blessings~Sharon

ruth at comfort cafe said...

Sharon, Thank you for sharing what God is doing in your life. I relate to the deep thinking. God is gracious to us as we plummet the depths with Him. Grace, peace and joy in Him!

Barbara said...

In digesting these last two posts you are such a good writer that I feel your pain and struggle and overcoming in a profound way.

So right, God is in control and as painful as it is He knows the best for us and never gives up on us. Great testimony.

Sharon said...

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.:)I have sensed God leading me to be more open and honest in my writing.To share on a deeper level for those looking for hope but who may never leave a comment here.:)So I obey and open up parts of my life as HE leads.Blessings~Sharon

Sharon said...

Your words brought me such encouragement as a writer and a Christian!Thank you so very much!Blessings~Sharon