Never Ever Forgotten

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"15)Can a woman forget her nursing child , And not have compassion on the son of her womb ? Surely they may forget , Yet  I will not forget you . 16) See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands ; Your walls are continually before Me ."

~Isaiah 49:15-16 NKJV~

Have you ever felt forgotten by others ? Even by those who should have never forgotten you ? Have you felt ever  overlooked ? Have you ever been the last one chosen for a team ? The third wheel in a social situation ?   

Have you been neglected , abandoned or abused ? Felt unimportant and like a mere afterthought in someone's life ?  I know I have felt these things before . And , I believe , if we're all completely honest with ourselves and others , we all have experienced at least one of these things .

And these experiences in life can leave us wounded internally and outwardly as well . They can leave us feeling raw and lost and simply ragged .Or at the very least , humiliated . It's not a fun place to be , this planet earth , at times . 

But I am here to tell you , or at least remind you , that there is One Who has never , ever forgotten you . You are the apple of His Eye and He has you engraved on the palm of His Hand . I like to think that He even thinks you're the "Cat's Meow." The"Bees Knees." Yes, I'm aging myself but that's alright . :) God says in Isaiah 49:15-16 that you are engraved on the palm of His Hand . Other versions , like the one above , use the word "inscribed." 

This is no temporary tattoo that can eventually be washed away or simply wear off over the course of time . It's not like a temporary hair dye that disappears after 3 shampoos either . No , this is more like the initials of young lovers carved deep into the trunk of a tree  for eternity . Their love for each other goes deep as do the letters they so carefully gouged into the tree .

And this is what the love and care of God is like for each of us He has created  . We have our names (maybe even our likeness ?) carved deep into the palm of His Hand(s). I don't honestly know if this scripture is literal or perhaps simply a good use of imagery . I am one who believes that anything is possible when it comes to God . I just know His Love is deep and strong and unbending .

Not only are we carved in the palm of His Hand but our walls are ever before Him . I believe this means that He knows right where we are and right where we live at all times . Yes. a terrifying thought for some , I know . But He does indeed have our"number." Our address . He sees our walls at all times . I liken it to a surveillance drone flying over a neighborhood  just to simply keep an eye on things . But with God it's totally out of love ; His great love for us . But you may say."If God is love then why did He let me go through this or that or the other?" Perfectly acceptable question. I wish I had the answer . :) I now know that's where faith comes in .

We must have the faith to trust Him and His ways especially when we don't understand . It must be enough to know that He always sees us and always loves us and always cares for us . Especially when we don't understand .

~Sharon~

 

WeToo Book Launch Campaign

I was both excited and filled with a bit of trepidation when Mary DeMuth asked me to consider being a part of the team that would launch her next book . Excitement because it involved getting a free PDF copy in advance of it's publication . And who doesn't love a free book ? This woman sure does . 

Trepidation because of the topic . You see , Mary DeMuth and I share something in common . We're both victims of childhood sexual assault . And neither of us really found the necessary help we needed within the churches we've attended . I have read this is also common with rape victims , etc .  And that , my friends and family , is a tragedy .

So , she has written a book to help church leaders learn how to respond properly and in a Godly manner to those , both men and women  who have endured this type of assault in and upon their lives . Sadly this type of thing happens regularly within the walls of churches as well as in private homes .

I am ever so slowly working my way through the PDF copy of  We Too . I find I have to take it slowly . A wee bit at a time for it triggers emotions within me that require some down time before I can read the next section . You may have the same reaction . It's okay . Jesus understands . And I do as well .

To preorder your copy just follow this link : www.wetoo.org/preorder

Blessings ~ Sharon 

Clean Hands

Image courtesy of   : www.unsplash.com/clean hands

 

Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?

Or who may stand in His holy place ? He who has clean hands and a pure heart,

Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,

Nor sworn deceitfully.

He shall receive blessing from the Lord,

 
And righteousness from the God of his salvation.

 

Psalm 24 : 3-5 NKJV 

Have you ever been charged with a crime ? Have you ever stood in a courtroom before a judge , awaiting sentence from a  jury ? The silence in the air is palpable . Perhaps it is like the silence just before the dawn of each new day .The air is silent as it awaits the morning stars daily "Hallelujah Chorus " to ring out across the heavens and around the earth . Or perhaps it is like  the silence before a huge , black storm encroaches upon your town and your life , bringing with it much rain and wind and total destruction . Either way , you know your life and it's future sways precariously between a life of freedom or a life of imprisonment . Perhaps you feel the guilt and shame of what you've done and you know you deserve a sentence of guilt and the life of shame behind bars that is to come .Or perhaps you are not guilty of the charges and only you and God know the real truth .And you silently plead to heaven for mercy and grace  from the jury .

Or are you more like me ? Have you borne the guilt and shame of what happened to you when you were far too young to defend yourself .And it was done by people who should have loved you.Cared for you.Cherished you .And this false sense of guilt and shame reaches it's hideous tentacles down into your very soul and spirit .And this false entrapment goes with you well into adulthood .And it takes on an autonomous  life of it's own .It wreaks havoc upon your life and choices and you bear the burden of it all .Until the burden gets too heavy to bear .And you cry out to the God who's been there all along .The God who has loved you all along with an everlasting and unquenchable passionate and holy love that burns with holy fire and righteous indignation . And He weeps for you and with you at what others of His creation have done to you(both family and strangers as well as church leaders ) . And then He goes one step further to show you just how He Himself sees you. He gives you a beautiful dream while you sleep : 

In the dream I am in the back yard of one of two childhood homes that I lived in(and remember) .This is the first one , on Grayson Way , in Rancho Cordova , California . There is much activity going on inside the house as well as where I am on the patio. Suddenly an eruption of terrified screams happens . People inside as well as outside are screaming that there is blood on their hands and it's coming from the water faucets . Both the ones inside as well as the one outdoor one on the patio. I go over to the faucet on the patio and put my hands under it . Nothing but clear , clean water washes over my hands . The dream ends at this point and I awaken.God has shown me that he has declared me "not guilty." I do not need to bear within me the false sense of guilt and shame that has been eroding things much of my life .He has said that the blood is on their hands , not mine ! 

In closing ,let me ask you , "is there blood on your hands ? " If so , come to Jesus . He is the only one Who can cleanse you and set you free  from your guilt and shame of your crime(s) ! Or if you are bearing a false sense of guilt and shame , this same Jesus is waiting for you too ! He wants to enfold you in His love and declare you"not guilty !"

 

Surprised by Loss

"...And here am I , budding among the ruins with only sorrow to bite on , as if weeping were a seed and I  the earth's  only furrow . " 

~Pablo Neruda , "Lifeless Suburb "

Life on planet earth can be hard at times . Very , very hard . And if we live long enough we will experience some form of loss . It may be a job loss . Or perhaps the loss of a marriage through divorce . And then there is the worst form of loss that comes through death . Death of a loved beloved pet or family member or friend .And it may be the hardest of all the losses we may endure for it is so final . So permanent . Set in stone so to speak . It is a great equalizer for it comes to us all no matter our"lot"in life . 

We may be rich or we may be poor . Young or old . Tall or short . Death is a part of living . Of life .And when it comes , our natural , God given response is to weep . Or we become numb . Or we simply go through the motions of living all the while feeling like we're dying inside . And depending on how close we were to the deceased , whether pet or person , our depths of feelings of loss will vary from person to person. We will all handle it differently . There is no proper way to grieve for it is as individual as the person or people dealing with the loss .

I share these things from experience for in the last year and a half my husband Steven and I have had several losses in our family . Our cat and his Mom , brother , sister and son and my longtime friend and former roommate have all gone to be with their Savior and creator . And the loss has been palpable . Tangible . As if it were a "thing" we could reach out and grab hold of . But we cannot . For they are gone and we are still here . And we feel the loss so deeply for that is how God made us . He made us human and humans feel things very deeply at times .

And we wonder if we'll ever feel normal again . And we get angry when we have to adjust to this new normal . This normal that is so  full of holes that once were full of the life and love of our now gone loved ones . And if the losses were catastrophic we may even wonder if we're next in line . I know my husband and I dealt with those types of feelings from time to time . It's as if that grim reaper was just counting down the moments until it was our time to depart . 

And yet , in the midst of all this loss something quite surprising has made it's presence known . And it's presence has changed everything . It's name is joy . And when it arrived it was a surprise for it was completely unexpected . But it came , with it's hope and optimism that shouted"This too shall pass. " And it showered us with a desire to live fully while still alive . To passionately and fully cast ourselves and our broken hearts upon our Savior and determine to live for Him fully and completely . And to pursue with our whole hearts that desire which He Himself has placed within us . we have stared death in the face and it's surprising result is to want to live , fully alive , so that God is glorified and we fulfill our destiny that was created by God long before we were ever born .

Blessings ~Sharon

Why I Write

I titled this post "Why I Write." It came to me after my prayer and journaling time with God this morning . I was speaking to God in it about my frustrations with writing as well as my desire to gain a college degree in creative writing . And then I began to share ,with God , what I wanted to accomplish with said degree should I ever obtain it . And a natural progression of thought from there was why do I write ? Why do I put thoughts to paper or musings to a blog post ? And here are just a few reasons why I write :

1.) I write to express the myriad thoughts that crowd my head . Self expression was not encouraged in the home I grew up in . Thus , I never had a place to reveal the inner workings of my heart and mind . My soul and spirit remained silent and overstuffed until I began to write .

2.) I write because it's therapeutic for me . I have endured many traumas in the 55 years I have lived on this earth . Writing these down in the pages of a journal help to get them out of my body and onto the pages of a private place where I can explore their impact in a safe and healthy manner .

3.) I write because God has made me a writer . I was in the first or second grade when a teacher noted on my report card"Sharon has a creative writing style." I was so young and yet an observant teacher noticed this natural "giftedness" and commented on it . Sadly it was not nurtured by the only parent I knew . But that's another story for another day . At 55 I now know that God has placed writing within me regardless of the fact that it was not nurtured and encouraged when I was 6 . 

4.) I write because I truly enjoy it . I love the feeling of putting pen to paper and expressing the inner workings of my heart and soul and mind and spirit . I have a journal , pen and paper addiction that will not be satiated any time soon . I can nearly swoon over a beautiful pen or lovely writing paper or a beautiful journal just waiting to be filled with musings on life, prayers or poems .

5.) And last but definitely not least I write because I believe, with all my heart, that this is what God has created me to do . I want to honor Him by using that gift to encourage people , to make them laugh or make them think or inspire them . I am not a talkative person but,when I write, words just flow on to the page so much easier than they flow from my mouth . I do not want to one day leave this earth with His song , His words , still tucked away inside me .

Blessings ~Sharon 

Behind Closed Doors : This writer's need for solitude and quiet

Image courtesy of www.zazzle.com .

I'm afraid my closely guarded solitude causes some hurt feelings now and then .

But how to explain,  without wounding someone , that you want to be wholly in the

 world you are writing about , that it would take two days to get the visitor's voice out

 of  the house so that you could listen to your own characters again ?  

~Margaret Bourke - White ~

Just over a year ago, my husband  Steve , our 2 cats , Ninja and Smokey, and I made a 

major move . We left a large city's apartment and moved to a smaller town in Central

 Oregon and into a 55 +  building that is nowhere near a major interstate .

It was a really good opportunity and one we knew had come our way from God 

Himself  as big city life had left us weary and craving a slower , quieter pace .

This was our first experience in living in a 55 + building and we had not known what

 to expect from our much smaller building and it's occupants . I just just new that I 

wanted a better life for us and some more space for creative endeavors . And for me 

that main creative endeavor is writing .

I've been writing for quiet awhile now . Mostly poetry , but like many writers of poetry or writers in general ,  I have a

 few items that are not poetry but are songs and stories still awaiting my attention . 

Still awaiting completion . Still waiting to have life breathed into them from my pen .

But the constant cacophony of life next to a major interstate was slowly sucking the 

life out of me , bit by noisy bit .

So we made the move across the state . Away from people we loved . Away to a much

 smaller and quieter town . A place I had hoped to get more writing done . And I have 

gotten some more writing done but not as much as is possible  for various reasons . 

Some of it has been the neighbors fault . They often show up unannounced wanting 

to just visit . I don't have that kind of time most days. After caring for my husband

 and cats and our apartment , there is little precious time for  my writing so I closely

 guard my solitude and quiet time out of necessity . Many do not understand that 

and this saddens me  . 

Recently someone took offense that I was loathe to remove the note from our front 

door that indicated we were napping and wished to not be disturbed . This person 

was merely an acquaintance from another country and they were on my Face Book 

friends list . They said I was rude and selfish for not wanting to remove the note 

from our door immediately upon waking from our nap . This person is no longer on 

my list . They didn't understand the differences in personalities (I am an introvert 

who needs my quiet and solitude to recharge) nor did they know what we've walked 

through personally ;things that have left us exhausted . 

They just got hurt feelings over my closely guarded need for solitude . I think maybe

 that's something most writers have had to deal with from time to time unless they're

 the kind of writer who loves to write in crowded coffee shops . I'v never been that 

kind of writer . I think best when I have a quiet place to think and to write . But to 

many in this decidedly extroverted world , that comes across as rude and selfish . 

And it's really too bad  because I believe many great pieces of literature may have 

been written from behind closed doors , in a quiet sanctuary ,with a sign on the door

 , that may have said "Napping.Do not disturb." Or better yet , "Writer at work. Do 

not disturb. " In closing , let me ask , "What challenges do you face as a writer ?" 

Are you a "coffee shop" writer or a "closed door"writer ?

Until next time ~ Sharon 

Giving Thanks In All Things

In everything give thanks; 

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you .

~I Thessalonians 5:18~

I have known this passage of scripture for many years .And for years I completely misunderstood what God was trying to say through the Apostle Paul .

And it's all because of that little 2 letter word "in." Two simple letters can change  everything 

.Notice that it says that we are to be thankful "in"everything . Not "for"everything .To be 

thankful"for"everything would just be weird.But to be thankful"in"everything is vastly different 

.Let me give you just one example from my own life . 

In 2002 , my husband had a mild stroke while undergoing triple bypass surgery . Now , to be 

thankful"for"the stroke would just be strange at the very least . Had I been thankful that he'd had 

a stroke would have been completely odd !I am sure I would have ended up in a book on abnormal 

psychology somewhere !But I was thankful "in"it because he was surrounded by medical 

professionals who were able to do what they needed to do immediately to prevent it from 

becoming a major stroke ! 

What this passage of scripture says to me is that it's all about our heart attitude  when we face 

trying times in life .

Can we find the bright spot in the midst of all the darkness that hard times seem to surround us 

with ? Can we find the good midst the bad ? Can we trust God's heart of love for us and be 

thankful for it amidst devastating loss ?  Are we able to give thanks "in"whatever place we find ourselves ? 

I have found that this does not happen instantly . For me , it's been a long process learned through 

many losses in life . I had to learn to be thankful in the midst of life's storms and losses or I could 

have easily become a loss in the lives of the people God has placed in my life . May God bless you 

as you read this and may He grant you the strength and grace to find the good in whatever tries 

your soul at this time .

~Sharon~

Simply Sunday

Interior of Notre Dame Cathedral,Paris,France

by Jim Zuckerman

Come,let us bow down in worship.Let us kneel before the Lord,our maker.

Psalm 95:6 (New International Version)

Blessings on your Sunday~Sharon

Listen

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.

  Ernest Hemingway

As Steve and I left our local Safeway store a few days ago we both observed a myriad of people both coming and going in the parking lot.Some on foot.Some in cars or on bikes.They all were talking on cell phones.Talk.Talk. Talk.They could not even manage to shop for groceries in silence and peace.

Steve commented to me as we observed this"We sure live in a talky world,don't we?"I had to concur with him.We do live in a very talky world.It's everywhere.As I pondered this sad state of affairs I commented back in reply"People can't learn anything if they're always talking."

And it's true when you really think about it(or even if you don't because you're one of those people who seldom stops to think because you're always  talking :) ). To learn requires a certain measure of listening.And listening carefully as Mr Hemingway's lovely quote states.

But for some it's a difficult thing,this listening. Our personality may be more extroverted so we cannot seem to not talk.But as one is more introverted and quiet, I must confess that I too have trouble listening at times.

Sometimes I struggle to listen when someone is coming to me with the same problem time and again and seems to prefer to dump on me emotionally rather than change the behavior that has caused them to need to once again dump on me emotionally.It gets tiring and frustrating for me.

Which makes me wonder how God feels when I do the same thing?Does He get as frustrated with me as I get with others?I don't think He does but I do not want to presume or assume anything.I too struggle to listen even though I am a more quiet person.

I come to God,in prayer,most often in writing form,for it suits me and my personality.Talking out loud to Him is hard when one lives in a really small space that is also inhabited by one husband and 2 cats. 

So I write to God.And I ask for answers.I ask for clarity.And I should wait for an answer but I often don't.It's most often due to those other voices in my mind talking to me,reminding me of all the other things that need to be done here around our apartment.And those voices win more often than I care to admit to.

And yet,the ability to listen,really stop and listen is such a necessity in this overly noisy world we dwell in.Listening to others is important but to learn to listen to God is far more important.He is the One who matters most.He is the One who can give peace.He is also the One who really and truly loves us like no other.We will see that,feel that,know that if we just listen.If I just listen.

Blessings~Sharon 

 

Back , finally

When I began posting here again recently I really thought it would be with more frequency but,as you can see,that did not happen.Life happened,or should I say my responses to life happened and I just did not feel like posting here.Instead what I felt was overwhelmed with a kind of sorrow.The kind that makes you want to just play solitaire for hours on end instead of unburdening your soul through writing.

And the source of this sorrow?For me, it was the knowledge of friends dealing with cancer.Women I have known for a long time,both who love God with their lives,battling breast cancer.And wondering about the seeming injustice,the unkindness of God to allow this to beat upon their lives.I just did not understand it all and this made me sad for my friends.And I wept when the neighbor told Steve of her 21 year old granddaughter's battle with breast and ovarian cancer.I guess having had uterine cancer myself in 2004 makes me sensitive to this.

And this sorrow of soul was also caused by my having to quit college due to a medical issue that is exacerbated by sitting at my desk for long periods of time.And yet I did that very thing when playing solitude for hours on end.I sat at my desk.For a long time.I should have been elevating my legs instead,so the venous stasis leg wound could heal.Husband seems happy I am not in school and actually said he thought it was a phase that I went through that I am now over.I do not know when I will return to school but it is definitely not a phase.

I was also saddened by our van.And it's many issues.And it's too many trips to the shop in recent days.I know it's old(1994) and I am aware that it is not as serious as the things previously mentioned.But it was just another thing to wear on my soul.When Jesus said that it's the little foxes that spoil the vine,He was not kidding.The vine that is my life was in danger of withering.I was beginning to think ill of Him.But,I am now,by an act of my will,clawing my way back to that place of trust and faith in Him.It's not an easy road to come back from,at least not for me,but I know it's imperative that I do make way back,so I will.

Blessings~Sharon

Miss...Don't Miss...or Near Miss

"No that I speak in regard to need,for I have learned in whatever state I am to be content."

Philippians 4:11

New King James Version

I was talking to Steve today as we enjoyed a leisurely drive in the country near our apartment in Salem,Oregon.As I am a pondering,musing kind of woman my thoughts turned to the issue of contentment.When I am on a drive,with my sweetheart of nearly 20 years,in the beautiful countryside,I am nearly as content as I can be.For me this is sheer bliss.I was not worried about the gas were were wasting nor was I thinking about having to face rush hour traffic in the morning for I was content.And at peace.And I began to talk to Steve about my pondering.I told him I did not miss having to awaken to an alarm every morning or face a long or even short drive to work on a Monday morning.I did not miss being away from home 8 or 10 hours a day.And I definitely did not miss nylons and high heels and make-up for we are retired.And finally enjoying it.But we did not retire in the way I would have planned it.No,we were forced into an early retirement due to a down turn in Steve's health in 2002 which preceded a downturn in my health in 2003.And when it all began,and our world began to unravel,at the seams,it appeared,I was anything but content.No,I was sad,fearful and even angry.I missed the regular income,even though it was small by most people's standards of living.I missed the esteem that comes from being able to go out and make your own wages.I wondered how we would make it,and at times I wondered if we would even survive.We both had what I call close calls,near misses with our health.We both faced things that could have taken our physical lives(Steve with heart trouble and I with cancer of the uterus). These issues caused a landslide of life changes that we were ill prepared for.We had to go on welfare for a season.This not only dealt a huge blow to our pride but it also began to unravel any contentment we may have had even a shred of.And this discontentment went deep for a long time.Why was God allowing these things?What on earth had we done wrong?Would life ever be the same again?All these questions assaulted my mind day and night.And in all honesty all they did was add stress to an already stressful situation.Contentment seemed to be an elusive dream.A unobtainable reality.I begged God to change the circumstances and even asked Him,in the early days,to take us home to be with Him.But He did not give in to my childish whims,He did not acquiesce to my desperate pleadings.He just listened.And He comforted me.And ever so slowly He also began to change me.And He began to show me how to make a life and not just a living.And it's taken most of these 10 years to do this work in me.Pride runs deep even when you do not have much by this world's standards.And discontentment is as old as time.Adam and Eve were plagued with it in the garden of Eden where they had been given all they could ask for and yet they wanted the one thing God told them they could not have.That's discontentment my friends.It's an age old enemy that I still battle from time to time but thankfully,on days like today,when it's warm and the sun is shining I can be content.I can choose to be content and it starts  with being grateful.You may have to begin small.I know I did.I started by being thankful for the new day.A new day of life.And it may take some time for it to be worked into your heart and life but contentment,even in bad circumstances is possible.For us much has not changed.We still live on husband's disability income,still go to a food bank once a month and still get some help from the state for food,medical and housing.But I am finding more contentment when I choose contentment and gratitude.And contentment brings peace.And we all know this world needs more peace.

God Bless~Sharon

 

My Journey

It's been just over 2 years since I have posted anything here at this blog.I thought I would not return to it.Ever.But perhaps God has other ideas.Other plans.All I know at this point is that the desire to blog once again has returned so I am listening.This last 2 years have been a real journey as is life most all the time. :)It's been full of sunshine and shadows,good and bad,twists and turns.There have been changes of all kinds.We no longer watch our granddaughter regularly as she is now 11 and is schooled at home now.It's been a good decision for all concerned.It's too bad though that the public school she attended did not have stricter policies in place against bullying.I started college and was getting straight A's but had to leave due to a medical condition called"venous insufficiency"that is exacerbated by sitting for great lengths of time.It was a painful decision but a necessary one.I am still hopeful that I will return and get that creative writing degree that I desire.:)
I wish I could say that this journey this last 2 years has been all sunshine and roses.But it has not.The truth is there have been more clouds than I would have chosen.There are days I just really hate the limitations that it seems this life has thrown at me(and my husband). I am discovering that I do not always respond well to the storms of life no matter how long I have endured them.It seems I can never be fully accepting of them in this journey we take while here on planet earth.Perhaps this is God's way of reminding me(oh so often)that this earth is not our true home.It is merely the place we dwell on our way to our true home.Heaven.

Blessings~Sharon

Farewell(for now and maybe forever)

It's been nearly 5 years since I first typed words onto this blog.Fine years of ups and downs and changes in my life.Things seem to be changing again and I wish I could put my finger on something definitive to share with you,my readers.I sense more than I actually see at this point.I just know that God is in it so I must listen ever closer.This will be my last post for now and maybe forever.I will keep this blog up for now until I have more clear direction from my Father.It's been fun.I've enjoyed getting to"meet"some of you via your own blogs and comments left here.I cherish each of you.I will still pop into see you on your blogs as time permits.This decision I have shared here has been a long time in coming I think.So that being said,I bid you so long.It's been a wonderful journey.
Love and Blessings~Sharon

Please Pray for Our Granddaughter Hope

Please keep Hope in your prayers.Earlier this month she had a urinary tract infection(UTI),then a bout with strep throat and now it looks like she has another UTI.This has been going on for at least 2 years now.She is only 9 and was scheduled to be tested for and enter into her school's talented and gifted program(she's super smart).But she keeps missing school due to illness in one form or another.They keep giving her antibiotics but have not gotten to the root of why her immune system is so low apparently.Please keep her in your prayers.Thanks so very much.
Blessings~Sharon

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentine's Day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whether you have a Valentine to share this day with or not, remember,that a Love much stronger than any earthly love holds you safe and strong in His arms.The love of God will keep you in ways that an earthbound love can never do.God's love is eternal,entire and lacking nothing.So be blessed this day in the knowledge that God loves you,His wonderful creation.
Blessings and Love~Sharon

Deep Thought

I've been deep in thought for a couple of weeks now.Inside my head a lot.I know part of it is due to my God-given personality.I'm a pondering soul.A deep thinker.Have been since I was a small child growing up in hot Sacramento.I knew it may get"worse"upon entering counseling,which I did a few months back(she's a wonderful Christian who is tremendously helpful).But this is a worsening condition that has been good for me.:)I've dug deep into the darker corners of my mind where I placed all the unpleasantness of a traumatic childhood marred by chaos,abuse and neglect.But leaving it in a seldom visited corner of my mind did not promote healing.Instead it began to fester.It took on a life of it's own.Stray tendrils of negative happenings began to send out shoots much like the ivy that will over run a garden's beauty if neglected and allowed to run amok.And the enemy of my soul rejoiced.He relished with glee all the ways this childhood marred who God made to me to be.He laughed with abandon at the ways it's trauma produced anxiety within me and caused me to fear.To get stressed easily.But all the while God was still watching.From before the beginning of my life God was watching.He knew what would happen to me and chose to allow others in my life to also exercise their free will and choice,a double edged sword granted to us all.And when the time was right and I had reached a crisis point in my life God stepped in and led me to just the right counselor.This was after following Him for 31 years.31 long years of stops and starts.Of trial and error.31 years of blessing and and hardship.And He began to unearth those deeper things I thought I had dealt with.Deep pockets of pain and inferiority still needing a touch from the Master's hand.His words,via the counselor,became like a perfect blending of oil and perfume to heal,soothe and then fragrance my trauma filled soul.Tears flow as deep thoughts and memories are brought to the surface and into the light of my Savior's presence.And with those tears come healing and renewed hope for my future.A renewed sense of purpose brought about by going deep and allowing Him to heal all those places darkened by trauma.For me it has been good to get inside my head.To ponder deep things.Painful things.To think long and deeply about what I have endured.For it has been to me the beginning of healing.And I know that by His grace and in His timing it will be completed.

"...being confident of this,that he who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 1:6~NIV

Blessings~Sharon

Signs of Life

Daffodils,Cache Valley Utah

For me,it always happens about this time every year.At least since moving to Oregon in 1991.My birthday,anniversary and Thanksgiving are over.These all happen about the last week of November.The hustle and bustle,the beauty and joy of Christmas and New Year's are past.And I'm left with,what feels often like dull,drippy and often dreary January.Gray skies for days and often weeks on end are the norm.Same with the rain.Storm after storm rolls in off the Pacific.I am not a meteorologist so I do not know why we get so much rain here in the winter.I just know that we do and it's this time of year that I begin to look forward to signs of spring.Winter may have only arrived less than a month ago on the calendar but I often begin to look forward for signs of spring.Any little sign will do.Any bit of hope of it's impending arrival.A bit of bright green poking it's head from under brown,winter weary earth.Will it be a crocus,a daffodil or a tulip?I wonder and my eyes continue to look about for signs of life.I begin to scan the trees for little bits of yellow-green fuzzy caterpillars.New growth that will eventually turn to flower and then leaf!My winter weary eyes and soul long for some color.Although the winter landscape has it's own monotone beauty I long for color,real color,brightness in otherwise dreary days.My life has often been like that when it's cavalcade of storms have rolled in.And there have been many at times and in different seasons as well.Unfortunately they could not be planned for often times.They hit without warning(like my husband's heart attacks in the past,or my bout with cancer).There was no way to prepare.Life became one long winter it seemed.A years long January.The past was a memory,the winter had settled in upon our lives,and I was longing for spring to once again reign down it's warmth and beauty upon our lives.But for awhile it was not to be.And at times I doubted.Doubted spring would return.Doubted even my Heavenly Father's love for us.And in some ways I am still waiting for spring.Life is not the same it was before.It's changed.Long winters cleanse the earth with it's sometimes torrential downpours.Heavy winds can often cause massive damage.The landscape of our yards and our lives changes.Leaves things looking different.I know that the view outside our windows have changed based on the storms that have come through off the Pacific.And the storms that have assaulted our lives personally have changed me.On both the inside as well as outside.I still continue to look for signs of life and spring in both our lives as well as the trees and soil outside our windows.And I know they will both come for I know that we have a God who can be trusted.And as spring follows winter in the natural world I know spring will arrive in our lives once again.And always on time.:)
Blessings~Sharon

Fulfilled

Young Girl Reading
by
Mary Cassatt

Last week(on Friday I think)Steve and I had a few errands to run.One of those was a stop by the Salem Public Library.As I climbed back in the van with my"treasures"(3 books for me and a movie Steve wanted me to see with him)I began to tell Steve just how much this all meant to me.How could something so simple as a trip to the library mean so much to this 48 year old woman?It all began in my childhood,a childhood marked by poverty.Mom was a single parent left to raise us kids on a very restricted"welfare"income.Granted we had food and shelter and clothes so in that respect we were most likely richer than much of the world's population.But by American standards we were quite poor.There was no car so summers were always spent at home for the most part.But that also meant no trips to the city library where my most favorite things in the world could be found!Books!Glorious books!When many kids took trips with their folks to such places I had to stay at home as the oldest and care for my younger sisters(and sometimes mom as well as she was physically disabled and mentally ill too I later found out).So after school and on weekends I was for the most part at home.I had a love of reading and learning that I could only get during school hours.For me that was tragic.I can see that now.For me it was a deprivation of the worst kind.I don't know if I saw it so clearly then for much of my childhood is a blank page that I have few memories of.But I do remember the longing for books and the sorrow I felt when I was not even able to purchase books from those Scholastic papers that were sent home with us weekly(or was it monthly?).It was a sadness that went deep.I had such a desire, a longing to smell that new book smell.To gingerly open that new(or even old/used) cover and enter the world I found within it's pages.To learn about this huge world God created or get lost in a story.But at that time,sadly, it was not to be.Which is why,now, at age 48,I find myself so thankful for trips to our local library.I find myself thankful for this computer to peruse the library's online catalog and request as much reading material as I have time for.I am filled with gratitude for a 16 year old vehicle that still runs very well so we may drive to that library and pick up that reading material or movie.I am thankful for legs that carry me into that library and back out to that van,arms carrying those word filled gifts.And this past Friday found me in just that state of mind.And body.Arms filled with treasures and heart full of joy.Full of gratitude.Full of life.The Bible says that"Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."My longing for books was fulfilled and I am so thankful to God for this simple but so lovely gift!
Blessings~Sharon

Please Pray For My Brother

Power of Prayer
by
Danny Hahlbohm

Please keep my brother Chuck in your prayers.He's 62 years old and in hospital in California.They have done a colonoscopy and are running other tests.There is a bleed in his stomach and blood in his stool.They think the prostate cancer may have spread.:( I do not know for sure where he stands with the Lord and it is hard to speak with him as he is on so many medications.They make his speech slurred and it is hard to understand him.:(Thank you for your prayers on his behalf and his wife Faith's as well.

Blessings~Sharon

Goin' To The Vet Today...

This is our sweet male cat"Shadow."We have had him since he was about 6 months old.He is just a few months over age 3 now.We found him at a cat and kitten rescue in Silverton,Oregon.And you cannot imagine how this ball of fur has blessed and enriched our lives here.When we went to look at the cats available he seemed to have the most personality of all of them.He was purring up a storm as we looked at him and he was reaching through the cage at us.It is as if he chose us rather than the other way around.:)He still purrs up a storm 2 and a half years later.And today he has to get caught up on his shots and treated for worms.I hope he continues to exhibit his usual charm with the vet like he does with us.When we feed and water him he looks up at us as if to say thank you.It's almost a look of cat-love and gratitude I see in those green eyes of his.And it melts me.:)He loves to chase Steve down and slap the backs of his ankles,calves or thighs in the hopes of Steve chasing after him.:)If I happen past he will reach out and slap my heel.I call it a love tap.When we nap or sleep at night Shadow will often jump on the bed and begin to purr.He will then settle down on one of our bellies and we will pet him till he's nearly asleep.With me he will often put out the"paw of possession"over my left hand,lay his head down upon my hand and go to sleep for awhile.This makes me smile in the night with contentment.His purring often sends me off into a deep slumber for which I am grateful.He's a smart cat and I am nearly certain he can tell time.He knows I am generally up at 6AM.If I am not he will bat the hose on my sleep apnea machine as if to say"GET UP!"LOL Or he will push open the bedroom door with such a flourish that it bangs rather loudly against the filing cabinet nearby!At first we thought it was due to him needing food or water.But we now know it is often his way of saying it's time for the changing of the guards.Time for me to take over so he can go to bed.:)He's such an incredible gift of joy to us.I would love to hear about your cats,readers of my blog,if you have cats.:)Have a great day everyone.

Blessings~Sharon