Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Humor for Lexophiles(Lovers of Words)

The following were sent to me this morning by a friend.I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.Laughter is good for us on all levels.Science and medicine have proven this.The ancient writers of the Bible also knew this for Proverbs 17:22 says"A merry heart does good like medicine,but a broken spirit dries the bones."So drink fully of this literary elixir and improve your health.And above all else have a blessed day in Him!
Much Love~Sharon



I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.


Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.


Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.


The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir cumference.


The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.


To write with a broken pencil is pointless.


When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.


The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.


A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.


A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.


Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.


We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.


When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.


The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.


The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.


The dead batteries were given out free of charge.


If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.


A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.


BITS OF HUMOR #2 FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):


1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.


2. A will is a dead giveaway.


3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.


4. A backward poet writes inverse.


5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.


6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.


7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.


8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.


9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.


10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.


11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.


12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.


13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.


15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.


16. A calendar's days are numbered.


17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.


18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.


19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.


20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.


21. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.


22. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.


23. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.


24. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.


25. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.


26. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


26. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

8 comments:

Nancze said...

Hello Sharon, these were great, I truly enjoyed reading them! I also enjoy and love the picture of all you happy campers! *smiles* I hope God is covering you with lots of blessings this beautiful April evening. Lots of ~hugs~ my friend!

Sharon L Goemaere said...

Glad you enjoyed them Nancze!God is indeed covering us with lots of blessings...LOL..."showers"of blessings(it's rainy and cold here;LOL)Blessings~Sharon

sparrow's song said...

These were great. Thanks for the smile.

Hope you're doing great.

Sharon L Goemaere said...

Hi Sparrow :-)
Good to see you.I am well but we have an unexpectedly ill g-daughter here today.UGH.I have a problem handling puking kids.LOLPray for me.I am sure this is why God never gave me children.LOL...Blessings~Sharon

Jo said...

Ha ha! I needed that! Thank you for your prayers, dear friend. You are so special to me!

Love,
Jo

Sharon L Goemaere said...

I am glad this blessed you Jo.You are special to me as well.Praying is an honor and privelege...Blessings~Sharon

Michelle Gregory said...

Sharon,
I found you thru Jo's writing blog. Those were great. I needed a good laugh today. Also, I love the butterfly picture in the post above this one.

Blessings,
Michelle

Sharon L Goemaere said...

Hi Michelle:
Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving your kind comments.Glad I provided a laugh and some beauty in your day.:-)Jo is such a great writer is'nt she?I just love her...Blessings~Sharon